Frontier Life

Do You Detect A “Service Engine Soon” Alert?

January 29, 2011 by Shelli

Yesterday I was driving to Beaver Creek Nordic Area south of my hometown of Lander, WY, when the “Service Engine Soon” indicator light came on.

“Just great,” I thought. Suddenly I became uneasy, concerned if I was going to have car problems. Sure, I had my cell phone and I’m a member of AAA and I’m in shape enough to hoof it some miles if necessary. Still, the anxiety that encompassed me because of the constant reminder of this “alert” was disconcerting. It was nagging at me. Try as I might, I couldn’t get the alert and the uneasiness it cast over me, out of my mind.

My destination was on South Pass, on the Continental Divide, about 26 miles away, where there is no cell phone signal.

The “Service Engine Soon” alert could mean I was about to have car problems. Or, it could mean that it’s not an emergency, just to be mindful of getting the engine serviced. I could have hundreds of miles to drive with that alert lit up without anything happening. I resigned to the latter. I just couldn’t bring myself to ditch the pre-arranged ski outing I had planned.

This got me thinking about the “Service Engine Soon” alert and how it is a great metaphor in so many situations in life. I began to realize that a version of this alert — the nagging and uneasiness it brings with it — happens frequently for me. It just doesn’t show itself in the form of a lit-up alert that is in front of my face.

Here are some examples of when my own”Service Engine Soon” alert is detected:

• My parents live here in town. I want to spend more time with them. When a couple of days have gone by and I haven’t talked to either of them, my “Service Engine Soon” alert comes on.

• If it’s been a few days and I haven’t been to the gym, the “Service Engine Soon” nagging kicks in.

• When the day is finally over and everyone in our house is in bed and sleeping. Except for me. I’m thinking about a question one of our sons asked that I didn’t at the time hear or respond to. The “Service Engine Soon” alerts me and I make a mental note that I need to make this right at the earliest opportunity. It’s too important not to, and I’m sorry I wasn’t paying better attention.

• When it’s Friday and I’m reviewing my task/to-do list for the week and realize there is a task or two that were to be done earlier in the week and should be checked off, but for one reason or another I keep ignoring or working around them.

• When I’ve skipped going to church, especially if it’s becoming too frequent of an occurrence. When I drive by the church, the “Service Engine Soon” alert inside me goes off.

• It’s been a month since I’ve had a “date night” with my husband, Jerry. We usually enjoy a couple of date nights every month. The indicator goes off in my mind if we haven’t been honoring this.

• I have two sisters and a brother, who all have families and do not live in Lander. They mean the world to me. And yet, I’m not keeping in good touch with them — and I want and intend to. Again, I can detect the alert and its nagging as a result of this.

• I’ve received not one, but two, reminders from the dentist about an appointment for teeth cleaning/oral prevention.

• The basement continues to be cluttered, despite my intention to gradually be making progress in sorting through it.

Of course this is only a small sampling. In reviewing this, it’s clear to me that this “Service Engine Soon” detection brings with it not only a nagging, but also feelings of guilt. In my experience, when I feel guilt that is self-imposed (not guilt placed on me by others), it usually means I’m not honoring things that are of value to me, and as a result, there could be unwanted consequences.

For this reason, I value the “Service Engine Soon” alert implications in my own life. (By the way, I made it to my destination and had a stellar morning of skiing. But when I got back in the car to return home, there was that pesky alert again. It didn’t go away. The engine still needs serviced.)

Do you ever have “Service Engine Soon” moments, and if so, would you care to share some of yours?

As usual, thanks so much for reading.

An Inquiry: What Is It To Dare To Choose?

January 26, 2011 by Shelli

What is it to dare to choose? This is an inquiry I’ve been thinking about as I develop my leadership and coaching business. (By the way, thinking about an inquiry is a great way to productively spend time during solitude)

Certainly, to be able to choose whom I want to work with and serve, is a great privilege and opportunity.

When I think of choose, here are the meanings that come to my mind:
To have freedom and independence
To select
To exclude
To honor preference
To designate
To pick
To appoint
To commit to
To single out
To say “no” to everything I’m not choosing

Okay, so now that I have a clearer understanding of what it means to choose, do I dare to choose – in this case, my customers and clients?

To choose is not something I take lightly. To make a choice is to decide and to commit, and to do so is, in itself, important.

To dare means to take a risk, to be courageous and to do something that is not safe.

Choosing is empowering, but it also is scary. After all, in my choosing, I’m not only choosing the customers/clients I will serve, but as importantly, I’m choosing the customers/clients I will not serve.

This is where it gets uncomfortable.

To dare is to do something that is noncompliant and bold, which – fortunately – makes it also thrilling and adventurous.

So the question really is, do I have the guts to choose the customers/clients I want to serve?

I think I do. I just need to dare to do so.

I asked a bunch of friends and colleagues to weigh in. Their responses – which add much to this post – are below. (Thanks to all of you who shared with me!)

WHAT IS IT TO DARE TO CHOOSE?

Robert Richman, a friend, coach and visionary who worked for Tony Robbins and now heads Zappos Insights: “Daring to choose means fully knowing that all options lead to learning, which gets you wherever you need to go.”

Bill Sniffin, my father and go-to consultant for almost everything: “To me, a person lives his life either acting or reacting; to me, “dare to choose” means choosing to act so you control your own life and your destiny, rather than having your life dictated to you, bit-by-bit, through the actions of others.”

Kate Roeske, certified life, executive and leadership coach: “Daring to choose: it means willing to risk not getting what I want but also not living with regretting that I didn’t try!”

Holly Copeland, a friend and spatial ecologist for The Nature Conservancy: “To dare to choose is to find your real priorities – the things that bring true happiness to your daily life – and align your daily activities with those priorities. Then, let guiltlessly the rest drop away. Reminds me of a favorite Shakespeare quote that I discovered as a teenager: To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Jared Kail, a friend and consultant/business owner: “One of the hardest — possibly THE hardest — decision one makes in life is to embrace greatness. That ability to be great, to use our natural gifts of energy, brilliance and creativity to become exceptional dwells within us all. Yet, to accept that greatness, to dare to choose to be something more than we are today, takes a kind of courage that escapes most of us. ‘Daring to choose’ means summoning all of our courage, from our bootstraps to our top hats, to take that simple but terrifying step into our own, personal, unknown greatness.”

John Smithbaker, a friend, founder of Fathers in The Field and President of Brunton Outdoor Group :
“Daring to choose is daring to make a commitment. Once the commitment is made, daring to keep your commitment is at the heart of the decision to choose and if your choice really will make a difference.”

Mei Ratz, friend and woman who aspires to be “an honest photographer, a soul-filled friend, a bold advocate, and a ripple in the surf of humanity”: “Daring to choose is to stand in the midst of all the ‘I should…’ or ‘What will they think?…’ or ‘What if I fail?’…. and holding your energy and your soul close and listening. You grow when YOU choose, you become art when YOU choose, you become the best version of yourself when you slow down, stand still, and jump off the side that no one else even chose to see.”

Beth Harte, a friend, marketer, blogger, speaker, communicator, thinker, connector (people & dots), adjunct professor, says: “Daring to choose means commitment to being a specialist (over a generalist) and accepting all of the hard work, passion and success that come with it.”

Mike Lilygren, a friend and one of the owners of Bridge Outdoors: “Dare to take a risk; choose the challenging paths in life as they will push you to grow and enliven you.”

Fabian Lobera, friend and director of business development for PitchEngine: “To dare to choose is a challenge to openly take a controversial position that knowingly will require justification through difficult and courageous future action.”

George Deriso, friend and entrepreneur in Boulder, CO., says: “We are faced everyday with choices, nearly all of which are simple decisions to make. What you have for breakfast today is a choice that likely will have little consequence. However, at one time or another everyone has to make a choice that may have dire consequences, and the way forward seems obscured or treacherous in some way. Nonetheless, a choice must be made as no action (which is a choice in and of itself) would cause even greater consequences. Thus, you are in a position where you must dare to choose. In this event, the key personality trait is courage. To make a choice and move past the decision point requires courageousness you may have thought you did not have.”

Doug Peck, a friend, fabulous chef, executive coach, and a ‘change agent’ for business cultures that want to use the power of coaching in management: “Daring to choose is having the courage to confront your real values, and confessing them to yourself and to the world.”

John Scott Stevens, a friend and RKC instructor, in Omaha, NE.: “To dare to choose is to be presented with a choice to be tested; how you choose reveals your true character and shapes your destiny.”

Kyle Redinger, friend, entrepreneur, management consultant and CrossFit gym owner: “Daring to choose means exploring options above and beyond what’s socially, physically and professionally acceptable.”

Joel Krieger, friend and group creative director at IQ Interactive: “Rather than passively sleepwalking your way through life (which is much easier, but far less interesting or rewarding), it’s a fearless, conscious and active existence that embraces the positive or negative consequences of your decisions.”

Kathy Browning, a close friend who works at The Nature Conservancy: “Dare to choose: I choose to embrace life with abandon because it’s the things I didn’t/don’t do that I regret. (Usually.) We only go around once.”

Sharon Terhune, a close friend and elementary school teacher: “Daring to choose essentially means that you are brave enough to honor your true self.”

Shannon Kaminsky, a friend and engineering tech: “When you don’t choose, you are choosing not to choose, so therefore you are still choosing; choosing to be driven by everything but your OWN goals, dreams and aspirations.”

Jonni Fargo, a friend and director of account development for American Express: “Having the courage to make one choice from multiple options when there are risks by either decision you make.”

I would love to hear from others… What is it to you to dare to choose?

Mind Mapping while Ski Lapping

January 16, 2011 by Shelli

I’ve been thinking a lot about mind mapping. I find comfort and relief in the idea of having all of my ideas and relationships plotted on my mind’s map. To me, mind mapping is the act organizing a map in my mind that includes points for all of the important things/people in my life. This mapping leads to increased clarity.

Here, watch for yourself!

Self Control is an Exhaustible Resource

December 28, 2010 by Shelli

Disclaimer: I am NOT one of those people who abhors New Years Resolutions. I love them. What’s not to like or love about using the new year, fresh off of holiday goodies and the end of one year and the start of another to resolve to make positive change(s)?

ShelliCyclonePass-2 — Hi there. I like challenges, so I like the challenges of making change.

I know I’m a little weird this way, but I love change — if it’s positive. And, the harder the change, the better, as far as I’m concerned. I like the challenge it provides and the fulfillment that follows if I’ve remained committed to it — not to mention the benefits realized in my life as a result of making the change.

I read Switch, by brothers Dan and Chip Heath some months ago. It is an amazing book. Its subtitle is Making Change When Change is Hard. Yes, for me, this book resonates.

Among the most common — and important, I might add — resolutions people make for the new year are related to weight and fitness. To lose weight and to get more exercise. Both of these things not only will help prevent many illnesses, extend our lives and possibly even save our lives, but will also add vitality and energy to our lives. Who among us doesn’t want more vitality and energy? The other important benefits of being at our ideal weights with improved fitness are — let’s not hide these important realities — is that we will look better and be more confident.

Some of you may have been following my “fitness journey” blogging. I am 5′ 4″ tall. In March 2009, I weighed 158 pounds. I was soft and for a few years had gotten lazy. Sedentary by most people’s standards. Today, I weigh 132. I’ve lost 14% body fat and 26 pounds. I dropped three pant sizes. I started wearing a swim suit and joining my husband and three sons in the pool. I started tucking my blouses in. I became able to romp on the floor with three young, rambunctious sons.

But as important as these things is this fact: Everything in my life — every single thing — is better as a result of my improved health. The latter is not to be underestimated and should be a motivator for anyone to lose some weight and get moving.

One of the most important sections in Switch is about self-supervision. Things that we do that require self-supervision are often the hardest things we do because they require the most effort. Self-supervision means self control.

Many of the things we do in our daily lives are automatic and don’t require much self-supervision or self control. Examples are brushing your teeth, driving home from work along the same route for the 200th time, taking a shower, etc.

On the other hand, self-supervised tasks are those that require deliberate thought and action. Examples of this that the Heaths provide in their book are learning a new dance, or organizing a book shelf or giving an employee evaluation. You can’t just cruise through these things without careful thought, consideration and effort. This self-supervised work is hard, and according to the Heaths, can be downright draining.

So far, you probably find none of this too surprising.

But this is where it gets fascinating. We don’t have an unlimited supply of self control/self-supervision. True, some of us have a bigger supply than others and probably, depending on the time in our life, at times we may have a greater supply than other times. For example, in the first four years of operating our business, I’m sure my supply of self control was high, but that it still was often not enough, given the challenges and efforts and emotional and financial investment involved. Contrast that with my life currently, and I have a big supply still, but I often get through a day with excess to spare. Not every day, but often, and when it happens it’s a great feeling.

The Heaths explain it much better than I can:
Psychologists have discovered that self control is an exhaustible resource. It’s like doing bench presses at the gym. The first one is easy, when your muscles are fresh. But with each additional repetition, your muscles get more exhausted, until you can’t lift the bar again.

Here’s further explanation by the Heaths:
In one study, some people were asked to restrain their emotions while watching a sad movie about sick animals. Afterward, they exhibited less physical endurance than others who’d let their tears flow freely. The research shows that we burn up self control in a wide variety of situations: managing the impression we’re making on others; coping with fears; controlling our spending; trying to focus on simple instructions…

This is all important information to consider with respect to making a change, or changes. The Heaths write — and I can’t agree with this more as it’s definitely been the case in my personal experience — that when we try to change things it often means tinkering with behaviors that have come automatic. So making the change is a big deal. It requires supervision. Self-supervision. Self control.

And this is a bummer. Because when people exhaust their self control in an effort to make change, what they’re exhausting are their mental muscles needed in order to focus and think creatively, to persist in the face of frustration or failure, explain the Heath brothers.

It’s likely that our tendency is often to pass judgment on people who fail at making change or who have a hard time making change. We think of them as lazy or resistant. The Heaths say to do this is flat wrong. In fact, the opposite is true: Change is hard because people wear themselves out… What looks like laziness is often exhaustion.

Speaking of exhaustion, you’re probably getting exhausted from reading this long post. Sorry about that. Like I warned in the beginning, I love change, so I love talking and sharing about it. So I’ll start to wrap it up here, my friends, in hopes you’ll come back for more. 🙂

In my personal experience, here’s what I’ve found to be a most helpful tool in making change in my own life: Cement elements of the change(s) you’re making into routine and make them mandatory, not optional. Do this all ahead of time, before you start. And, speaking of starting, I also commit to a starting date for affecting a particular change.

By doing the aforementioned two things, I preserve that limited amount of self control that I have — that we all have — by “pre-loading” decisions ahead of time and committing to them. In other words, these are not optional. These are not simply decisions that can be reconsidered or changed at a later date.

For example, in March 2009 when I finally committed to losing weight and getting healthier, I determined ahead of time the following tasks: that I’m going to work out at 4:30 am at the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, that I’m going to eat vegetables with every meal every day, that I’m going to not eat any snacks after 7 p.m., that our family is going to have a sit-down dinner at least four evenings during the school/work week, that I’m not going to eat pasta, pizza, bread or pastries for six months, and so on.

By making these decisions ahead of time, I’ve removed the decision-making tasks that can deplete that can of self control I start out with every day pretty quickly. In other words, I’m not making these decisions … they’ve already been made. There’s no supervision required and the need for self control has been largely reduced. This is not to say it’s easy, but rather to suggest that some of the heavy lifting which would otherwise require self-supervision and therefore deplete your limited supply of self control, has already been done. (By the way, I took a full court press approach to my losing weight because I’m impatient and wanted quicker-than-average results. A person doesn’t have to make so many changes at once like I did to realize positive results.)

I can tell you it makes a tremendous difference when you script such rules and commit to them, ahead of time.

As usual, thanks for reading. I would love to hear any tips you have in how you’ve been able to affect positive change. I’m sure they could inspire and help others during this time of resolving to make change in 2011.

Happy new year!

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By the way, I’m studying with Coaches Training Institute to become a certified life coach. One of my biggest hopes/goals is to help motivate people to self-motivate to make positive change in their own lives. I look forward to the challenge of helping people make big change and to witnessing their fulfillment as a result. I continue to work on making changes in my life, as well.

Some of the posts I’ve shared during my life coaching learnings thus far are:
I Want to Be a Life Coach, Part 1
I Am Here. But I’m Not. Not Really.
Lost in the Middle of Somewhere
An Inquiry: What Does Hard Work Get Me?
Are You Deciding or Are You Committing?

An Inquiry: What Does Hard Work Get Me?

December 8, 2010 by Shelli

I have been reflecting on a reality about myself: I am most fulfilled after hard work and effort, to the point that if something isn’t hard work, and is (gasp) easy, I’m not as interested in pursuing it and certainly not as fulfilled by it. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

In other words, why is working hard at and/or for something so important to me? What is that all about?

Below are some of the responses/reasons I’ve come up, to the question, “What does hard work get me?:

The end — or “reward” — is greater
Character building
Transformation (often)
Increased confidence
Forward progress
Expansion
Stimulation
Ahead
Better
Great
Skilled
Experience
Stories
More memorable experience
Close to my limits
Optimism
Greater fulfillment
Aliveness
Purpose
Growth
More possibilities (options)
An opportunity to fight the saboteur that says I can’t do it

You know the saying, nothing worthwhile is easy.

I know most everyone works hard. I’m not special in that I like hard work. But in thinking about all this I’ve realized that some of the experiences that resulted in the greatest outcomes for me, and, resulted in “transformation,” were experiences that were particularly hard — beyond my original expectations — and through which I had to endure. I’m talking about those experiences you’d likely never choose to do again, but that helped develop you and grow you in ways that are invaluable.

I can recall many of these experiences, but following are two examples.

One was in the early 1990s when, as newlyweds, Jerry and I moved away from the beautiful Rocky Mountains to a very small town in the Midwestern plains. The job was stressful and the environment was not what we preferred (it didn’t have any mountains). It was hard in all senses of the word. Every day was a trial at work and away from work.

The outcome, however, was that because of the experience, I’m smarter and better. But would I do it again? Would I have signed up for it if I had known just how difficult it would be? I’m not sure I would. And yet, no question, it was a more rewarding and valuable experience as a result of the hardships.

Another is my Rim-to-Rim-to-Rim of the Grand Canyon last May. Sure, doing it in one day is hard enough. But doing most of it with two fully-blistered feet meant it was much harder than I expected or that it should have been. The experience required me to stretch mentally and emotionally beyond anything I had ever been required to do before. And as a result, it was a deeply transformative experience for me, for which I’m grateful. I am stronger and my “limits” of capability are set higher as a result.

My point here is that often we are transformed (and made stronger and better) as a result of a trying experience only after it’s over. While we may not have signed up for it had we known all it would entail, we don’t regret it. We can’t.

I think one understanding I gain from this reflection is that we should in fact do some things now and then that are so hard they are scary. If for no other reason than to learn and further develop ourselves.

And by the way, why is it that we so often think that unless it’s hard, it’s not work? In fact, travel and tourism promotion, content development, marketing, social media, blogging, etc., all come pretty easy to me. As a result, sometimes it’s hard for me to count these things as real work, but they are.

Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, Outliers, The Story of Success, which I highly recommend, wrote about how it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to really master a skill. I’ve definitely put in 10,000 hours of “work” in the aforementioned core competencies so perhaps that’s why work sometimes feels too easy to be considered work.

So. Doing things that are hard comes easy to me. Doing things that are easy comes hard to me. See how this works? I should like doing things that are easy because their being easy actually makes them hard.

Thanks for tuning in and reading. I really appreciate your readership and support.

P. S. I would love to get your input/comments on this post, or about how you view hard work and hard effort. Thanks