Have Media Will Travel

A blog about outdoor adventure, family travel, national parks, media, technology, marketing, fitness and me.

Life and Leadership

Muir Beach Bliss

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I was in the San Francisco area all last week for meetings and a presentation. It was a treat to return to the Marin Headlands, and area I fell in love with during my frequent trips to the area in the past for mycoaching courses.

Last week I was headed to the hotel gym when I remembered where I was. Why would I spend time on an elliptical trainer when Muir Beach is 20 minutes away? Duh.
I enjoyed a 6-mile trail run to start the day. I love being in the presence of the ocean.

Here’s a short clip:

Epic Adventure – and Longing

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Hi. My name is Shelli. I’m 43 years old. I have been married to Jerry for almost 20 years and we have three young sons, Wolf, 11, Hayden, 9, and Finis, 4.

Sending a message to my husband and sons from Alaska's Brooks Range.

This is a post about a wife and mother’s longing. It is also a post about a once-in-a-lifetime “epic” experience that I will never forget. It is also a post about gratitude. To be a wife and mother who was supported and encouraged to have an experience like the one recalled in this post is a gift for which I’ll be forever grateful. (With Thanksgiving approaching, now is a good time for me to thank most of all my husband, Jerry, who is my biggest champion, and who encouraged me to embark on this adventure while “holding down the fort.” Also, a big thank you to my parents, who helped with the boys while I was away, and to all who provide friendship and support to me.)

It was taking seemingly forever to get our expedition started. I was in The Last Frontier, headed to The Far North, to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, in Alaska’s Brooks Range. I had looked forward to this adventure for months and was ready to get the party started. But as I was finding out, it takes a long time to get away from civilization.

After a night in a Fairbanks campground, we boarded a small airplane and spent a couple of hours flying to Coldfoot. After landing, we loaded into a van and spent three more hours traveling north before, finally, we were dropped off along the side of the road.

I was on my way to spending 12 days backpacking and exploring, while learning wilderness travel, outdoor skills and leadership from the world’s premier teacher, the National Outdoor Leadership School.

The experience I was about to embark upon was a dream come true. Actually it was two dreams come true.

Up until my departure for this trip, I had just one regret in my life, and that was that I had never taken a NOLS course. I was raised in Lander, Wyoming, where NOLS is headquartered. During my formative years, my parents would have supported my enrollment in a NOLS course and had offered as much. Unfortunately, I was more interested in my social life and basketball. But that was then. Now, I am an outdoor enthusiast. I love everything NOLS stands for, and I take pride in the fact that my town is home to the organization.

In recent years, when my regret for having never enrolled in a NOLS course would surface, friends who work at NOLS would tell me, “You know, it’s never too late.” But I wasn’t quick to agree. After all, I am a mother of young children. It felt selfish to think of embarking on a 2-week adventure. So, enrolling in a NOLS course was no small deal for me. It was a dream that had been hard for me to “justify.”

The other reason the NOLS course would be a dream come true for me is because of its location. I travel the country in search of the most epic scenery. In my mind, no place embodied epic better than Alaska’s Brooks Range. It would be a dream come true for me to get to intimately explore such an epic place.

Alaska is huge. Situated in the northwest extremity of the North America, with Canada to the east, the Arctic Ocean to the north and the Pacific Ocean to the west and south, Alaska has a larger coastline that all U. S. states combined. Occupying 586,000 square miles, it is the largest U. S. state. And yet, it is the least populated. To put it in perspective, there is one person per square mile.

It’s vast, unpopulated and extremely wild, complete with grizzly bears. For all of these reasons, the NOLS Brooks Range Hiking course was perfect. Like I said, the things dreams are made of.

Except for one problem. It would come with some longing –– some serious longing.

Here is a clip of photos I captured and printed to be included in letters and cards a neighbor mailed to Jerry and boys for me every day while I was away:

Due to one of NOLS’ policies, which I understand, appreciate and support, I would have no communication with anyone outside of our course. That’s right, two weeks of no communication with my family.

The farther north we traveled on the Dalton Highway, the more excited I became. And yet at the same time, the farther north we traveled, the more heart sick I became as I realized the scale of this region and its distance from my family.

I should mention that traveling and being away from my family is not unusual for me. I travel frequently. When I am away, I miss them very much and, as a result I limit and select travel with great care. Typically I’m away for no longer than 1-3 days, and I can start and end each day in conversation with all of my sons. In a way, I can be there for them even though I’m geographically not there.

During my NOLS course, I would not be there for them. And, they would not be there for me.

I have many friends who are terrific role models as parents, who travel much more than I do. In the weeks leading up to my NOLS course, I looked to them for support. Their input was helpful. They told me things like, “This is good modeling for your sons. You want them to choose girls/women who are adventurous and brave.” And: “Think of the special gift you’re providing by leaving them to have these two weeks of special time with their father.” And: “Think of the country you will see and the tales of adventure you will get to share with your family upon your return.” And: “This is a dream of yours. It’s not a vacation, but an expedition. It will grow you. The knowledge and experience you gain from it will enable you to have a greater impact on the lives of your children, and future clients.” It all made perfect sense.

But. Still.

“Video Love Notes” I captured for Jerry and our sons during my NOLS Brooks Range Hiking course:

I worried aloud about not being here for my boys for two whole weeks. To this, some of closest friends reminded me that children are resilient and that although my sons love me, they probably wouldn’t miss me as much as I think they would, or as much as I would miss them. While hearing this was not exactly comforting, it was honest, and therefore helpful as I prepared to long for my boys.

Being away from my boys, with no ability to hear their voices and know how their lives and days were going, would – hands down – be the most difficult part of my NOLS experience. This much I knew.

The rain and intermittent snow, hiking through spongy tundra, and tussocks and through alders and across rivers and up steep, loose, exposed mountain ridges with a heavy pack on my back was easy compared to enduring the longing I had for my boys. The longing for my boys was at its worst at the end of each day when we all retreated to our tents. I would lie there and yearn to hear their voices, to smell their hair, to hold their hands, to “dog-pile” with them, and just to be in their presence. I was emotionally tender during these times. I literally had a heart ache.

Letter from our 4-year-old son, Fin.
Letter from our 9-year-old son, Hayden.
Letter from our 11-year-old son, Wolf.
The boys often roll their eyes at me, the only girl in our home. Here is a photo they included with their notes to me where there are glued on plastic rolling eyes glued onto their eyes.

When I sign up for something that is hard, I grow. My NOLS Brooks Range course was hard, all right. But, it was also, truly, an experience of a lifetime.

Despite the longing, I made life-long friends with my eight course-mates and our two wonderful instructors. I was blown away and inspired to new levels by the sights and scale of Alaska’s Brooks Range. I experienced the best leadership training, ever. I grew. I returned more, and better, than I was before. Part of this is due to the longing I experienced. Because my NOLS course meant sacrificing time and contact with my family, I participated in the course and experienced the Alaska tundra to the absolute fullest. As a result of all of these things, I cannot imagine a richer experience. And, I am quite certain that I returned a better mother and wife.

Photos I captured during my NOLS Brooks Range Hiking course for Jerry and our sons:

For all of you considering a NOLS course, I cannot recommend it enough. Please feel free to contact me to ask more personal or extensive questions about my experience.

This “self interview” captured on my final day in the Brooks Range says it better than my written words:

In closing, here are some things I did before my departure to ensure my boys would be touched, and reminded of my love, on a daily basis, despite no real-time communication with them, as well as some things I did for them during my absence.

  • 1.) I snapped photos of me holding an “I Love You” poster from various points around Lander where my family I often frequent. I had prints made of each of these photos and then included them in a letter or card I wrote (in advance) for Jerry and our sons. I arranged for our neighbors, Terry and Gene, to drop one in the mail each day I was away. This way the boys received mail from me every day while I was hiking in the Alaska tundra. (In some of the mail I included gift certificates to the local ice cream shop, or pizza gift cards, or for my husband, coffee gift certificates.) It made for a lot of work in the days leading up to my NOLS course, but it was well worth it because I took comfort in the ability to “touch” my boys while I was out of communication.
  • 2.) I recorded a video message for them. It is too personal for me to post here, but suffice it to say it was hard for me to do, but important for me to do. I loaded it onto Jerry’s laptop the morning I departed and instructed them to open and view it once I was officially out of touch.
  • 3.) The first night in the tent in the Alaska tundra, when I dug my journal out to record the events of the day, I discovered an envelope of items from Jerry and the boys. They had each written me a letter and included some photos. I was so moved and touched to read letters from my boys. Instead of dwelling on missing me, their words cheered me and told me how much they loved me. (With my sons’ permission, I’ve included photos of their notes to me in this post. I didn’t include a photo of the one from Jerry, which will forever remain very special to me.)
  • 4.) At home, I’m quite outnumbered, the only girl in a house of four males, plus a male puppy. For various reasons, the boys are always rolling their eyes at me. One of the things included in the envelope from them was a photo of the three boys with plastic googly-rolling eyes glued to them. (See photo).
  • 5.) Before I departed for Alaska, it was decided the boys would have their own expedition — a project we termed, “Expedition Basement.” Basically, while their mommy was away they would have full rein in creating a “Boy Cave” downstairs. This gave them something exciting to look forward to, while facilitating a project for them to focus their creative energies on without my interference. 🙂 You should see it. Paint thrown on the walls, a big screen television, skull and cross bone flags, and even a mini-fridge (for their juice pops I guess?) It’s a riot.
  • 6.) While I was away, backpacking in Alaska’s Brooks Range, I enlisted my course-mates to capture photos of me holding an “I Love You” note. (By the way, my course-mates were a terrific family-away-from-family.)
  • 7.) I also captured a few “video love notes” for Jerry and the boys from various points during the NOLS course.

    • RELATED LINKS:
    NOLS Brooks Range Hiking course — Not a Vacation
    My Brooks Range People Made Me Better

    I am a life/leadership coach. Services include on-demand coaching and consulting, with an option that includes an epic outdoor adventure. I also provide nutrition and personal branding consulting. Please email me if you’re interested in learning more about this.

    We Are Of Many Minds; How to Leverage The Best One

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    I wake up at 4 am three mornings a week to go to the gym and work out. Many people ask me, “How do you get up at 4 am to work out?” This question is not surprising; 4 am is crazy early. And of course the reasons I do it are numerous, but include the following: Getting up at dark thirty when everyone else in my family is fast asleep “creates time” for me, energizes me, which causes me to be more productive during the day, and provides a tremendous health benefit.

    But the response really should be this: “Easy. I set my alarm at 4 a.m.; when it goes off, I get out of bed and go to the gym.” (See my humorous video response to this question from a while back.)

    Seriously. It’s easy: You decide to do something, and then, you do it.

    But if it’s so easy, why is it not so easy?

    Um, because, in fact, it’s not easy. And the reason it’s not is we are of more than one mind. At 8 pm, when we’re setting the alarm, we are of the mind that we will get up and work out at the gym. But then the alarm goes off, and someone else is present in our mind and it’s not the same (crazy!) person who set the alarm and thought getting up early to go to the gym was a good idea. All too often, the person who reaches for the snooze, or that turns off the alarm entirely, wins the battle.

    Alas, we are each of many minds and usually the “rivals” are not at the table at the same time. When they are, they duke it out, but chances are, the stronger one at the particular moment will almost surely win.

    This scenario happens for each of us all the time. For example, yesterday was Halloween. I love all things sweet. We had pumpkin cookies, brownies and heaping bowls of candy at our home yesterday in preparation for trick-or-treaters and as a result of our sons’ own trick or treating.

    I could have easily self-destructed by allowing myself to gorge on sweets all day long. To protect against this, I determined a day in advance, and again at dark thirty while working out at the gym on Halloween, that I would not eat a single piece of Halloween candy. I am no good at moderation, and I knew I’d feel physically miserable as a result of eating a bunch of candy.  I know that the only benefit of eating the candy is the taste of it, which lasts only as long as it takes to chew it. (And I “snarf” candy so it’s even more fleeting.) In other words, the upside of eating candy is very short-lived, whereas the longer-lasting result is not feeling very optimal. It’s not even a contest when you think about it.

    And yet, how it is a contest, and not an easy one to win. While making the commitment was easy, honoring it was not. I am human, after all.

    I am not good at many things. But one thing I am good at is setting and achieving goals. Still, as I put the Mounds into our bowl for trick-or-treaters, I was of the mind that “Halloween is just once a year. You love Mounds. You work out hard. You are so disciplined the rest of the year. You can have just one Mound. These are Mounds for crying out loud!”

    You get the picture. This mind was clearly not the same mind that so steadfastly declared no sweets at the start of the day. It was a battle, except only the one side appeared to be present at the moment, the “weaker” one, which aimed to sabotage my earlier commitment.

    I fancy myself as a strategist. I love experimenting and researching ways to win battles and achieve goals. I’ve been reading a lot about the conscious mind and the unconscious mind, and things that affect our behavior.

    What I’ve figured out, as a result of both my research and my own experimentation, is there are ways to decide which mind we are serious about and want to honor, and ways to strengthen that one, while weakening the other. We can find ways to sort of “trick” the weaker of the minds.

    To illustrate, let’s return to the waking up early to go work out at the gym example. Let’s say you’re serious about your commitment to rise early to work out at the gym. Ways to bolster your chance of winning that battle and honoring your commitment might include going to bed at a reasonable time, setting the coffeemaker to brew a cup for you for that early, having your gym clothes out and ready, placing the alarm clock out of reach so you have to get out of bed to tend to it, and  — if all these things still aren’t enough –– asking your significant other to remind you and enforce your desire to get up and go to the gym when the alarm sounds. There are yet more things you can do, such as thinking of those awesome designer jeans you want to fit into, or thinking of the way you will feel (disappointed) when you get up at 7 am and realize you let yourself down by not honoring your commitment to wake early and exercise. You can come up with more than these if you wish.

    On the other hand, ways to sabotage your efforts and strengthen the lazier, less-committed mind, would be to stay up late watching a movie while drinking a bottle of wine and snacking late, and to not to do any of aforementioned “preloaded” things.

    Following are some strategies that work for me when it comes to achieving goals and in an attempt to honor the “best” of my many minds.

    Deciding your priorities is the first step, but committing is critical if you are serious about achieving something or making serious change in your life.  Deciding and committing are not the same thing. We decide all the time to do things. Committing is making them happen.

    Once I commit to the people and things that are my priorities, I take my commitments very seriously, which includes making sure I don’t have an easy way to retreat, and wherever possible, creating habits and developing them into routine.

    Routine serves me well. Making decisions requires energy and self-control.  Our supply of self-control is limited, so why wouldn’t we go to great lengths to preserve it? Dan and Chip Heath call this “preloading” — when you make a decision ahead of time, thereby preventing the use of self-control later. In short, if you decide and commit to something in advance, you don’t need to consider it or make a decision about it when it comes up in real time.  In my experience, this saves energy and helps my chances of success.

    Examples of preloaded decisions I have built into regular routine are working out at the gym three mornings a week, not eating ice cream except during my ice cream social with our three sons on Friday afternoons, having tea with my parents every Wednesday afternoon, distance training on Friday mornings during spring and summer, shutting my cell phone down during the weekends, and so on.

    I’m not saying that preloading prevents me from being tested. But it does mean the temptations are more limited and not as great of a presence if I’ve made decisions in advance about them.

    By the way, I did not eat the Mound. I did not eat a single piece of Halloween candy. It was hard, but I stayed true to my commitment. Tying the consequences to short-term emotional feelings (in this case disgust and feeling physically lousy) tends to be effective in helping me choose to do the right thing. For that reason I recommend it.

    Hope this of value to you. What are some ways that you honor commitments and achieve goals that you set?

    I am a life/leadership coach. Services include on-demand coaching and consulting, with an option that includes an epic outdoor adventure. I also provide nutrition and personal branding consulting. Please email me if you’re interested in learning more about this.

    Life is Full of Micro & Macro Route Decisions

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    (Note: Here’s a 4-minute video blog of the same)

    Most of us have an idea about what we want our life and future to be. Call it our destination. It’s where we’re headed. It’s the life that we’re trying to create. It’s what every day we’re working toward.

    If given a choice, I will always choose the high route.

    There are many ways we can get there. And I suspect most of us would agree that there is value in the journey.

    So we “route find” our way through our lives. At times we follow paved roads, complete with signs and navigation. Other times we follow trails. And still other times we bushwhack, creating our own path. Life is a series of macro and micro route finding decisions. For example, a macro decision for me is deciding that I want to be a life and leadership coach. A micro decision might be determining what coaching program to enroll in.

    In August, I embarked on a NOLS Backpacking course in the Brooks Range of Alaska. For two weeks we backpacked north of the Arctic Circle. There are no trails in the 700-mile-wide Brooks Range. So our course involved a lot of map reading and route-finding.

    About halfway through the course, we had to make a decision about which route we’d follow to hike to the Dalton Highway to meet our pick up at the end of the course. We had two choices: Follow the Chandalar River bottom all the way out, or, take an alternative route, which we dubbed “the high route,” which would mean ascending at least two mountain passes.

    Ascending a steep mountain pass in falling snow.

    Thankfully we voted and it was decided, unanimously, to take the high route.
    Now, don’t get me wrong. There are far worse ways to spend six days than hiking along the Chandalar River. However, it would be about six days of the same spectacular scenery and experience. It would lack adventure due to the unvaried aspect of the route and the predictability of the terrain.

    The high route, on the other hand, would provide a variety of vantages from which to view the Brooks Range. It would also be more physically demanding, mentally challenging, while almost certainly providing more uncertainty. It would be the more interesting route, and there would be far more learning to come out of it. For all of these reasons I, and I think my course-mates, found it to be more compelling.

    I think we chose well.

    I remember one day my hiking group ascended a mountain pass. A light snow was falling on us, making the terrain, which was loose rock on top of loose rock on a steep slope, wet and slippery.

    It took tremendous focus and determination for each of us to ascend the pass. Each foot had to be deliberately placed. It was not fun. It was hard work and extremely taxing on the body and the mind.

    For which we were significantly rewarded. Standing at the top of the pass, we were elated about our accomplishment, as we took in views of mountains in all directions and a labyrinth of canyons. And, to top it off, one side of the pass had a complete, bright rainbow arching over its abyss, and the other side had intermittent sun shining through lightly falling snow. It was surreal, and it was unforgettable.

    Gold at the end of the rainbow. Indeed.

    We would have missed this amazing experience had we chosen the easier, safer route.

    Life is like this. We get choose our route(s), and factors that will influence our decisions often include amount of effort required, degree of difficulty, level of uncertainty, and so on.

    Following a well-traveled path is easier. The heavy lifting has been done. There are maps, textbooks, signage, experiences and wisdom shared from others who have gone before us. There is not a lot of new learning required. It’s predictable, and as a result pretty “safe.” There are few unknowns, if any.

    Charting your own path is harder. It’s baptism by fire, trial and error. It’s bushwhacking. It’s climbing uphill, and over loose terrain. You’re more exposed. There are many unknowns, because it’s possible that no other person has gone before you, or where you intend to go. You might hike all day before arriving at a cliff, which will mean backtracking, re-routing, or possibly having to start over. There are no maps. It’s mostly work, and a lot of learning.

    It’s a great question to ask yourself: In your life, are you following a trail, or are you charting your own course? And how’s it working out for you?

    I am a life/leadership coach who provides on-demand coaching, combined with an epic adventure. Please email me if you’re interested in learning more about this.

    RELATED POSTS:
    NOLS Brooks Range Backpacking course — Not a Guided Tour
    My Brooks Range People Made Me Better
    Other Life and Leadership-related Posts